Where Are You on the Carousel of Time?

I was poking around in a vintage store recently when the unmistakable voice of Joni Mitchell began spinning out the bittersweet poetry of The Circle Game. Misty memories took over until Joni sang, “Take your time, it won’t be long now till you drag your feet to slow those circles down.” My mind jumped to a recent Facebook post in which a former colleague saluted his wife on her 60-something birthday. Under a current photo of her sitting on a beach, looking svelte in a tee shirt and bikini bottom, he had written “forever young.”  

Joni’s simple words describe how so many of us “over 50s” respond to getting older. We either try to slow it down or we try not to think about it. This is not a criticism; it’s hard to do otherwise when we are surrounded by our society’s rampant youth worship, aka ageism. The MIT Age Lab estimates that just 5-10% of ad dollars are spent to reach people over 50. As job hunters, we are advised to leave our graduation dates and early jobs off of our resumes.

So it’s natural that most of us experience some level of discomfort. We may not publicly acknowledge these feelings outside a wry AARP joke or offhand comment about a new ache or pain. But it’s also easy to become desperate to turn back the clock---if not surgically, then through expensive camouflage or drastic diets and/or exercise routines. To feel angry at our changing bodies and our increasing vulnerability to “senior moments.” Of course, none of these responses diminish the self-criticism and shame that drive the behaviors.         

But there are ways to change those painful feelings. What if, instead of reminding ourselves of what we are losing as we age, we could focus our attention on the things we have gained? Most of us have experienced painful failure or loss and managed to start again. That is no small feat. What if we could celebrate the knowledge and wisdom that comes with our lived experience?

Here’s what can happen when we do. A few months ago, a friend of mine reached the interview round for a big job at a company that caters primarily to children and families. Instead of avoiding the age issue, she seized the bull by the horn. “I am probably one of your older candidates,” she told them. “But I have something the younger ones don’t have: judgment. And here’s why you need that.”  Guess who got the job?

Often, it is our own limiting thoughts that hold us back from achieving the success and satisfaction we want most. There is nothing more rewarding for me as a coach than helping my clients overcome those limitations. Ageism is not going away overnight. But if you or someone you know is feeling captive on the carousel of time, I can probably help. Contact me!